Coheed and Cambria - Wake Up

I'm gonna ride this plane out of your life again
I wish that I could stay, but you argue
More than this I wish, you could've seen my face
In backseats staring out, the window

I'll do anything for you
Kill anyone for you

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I will be coming back
In a phrase to cut these lips
I love you

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up

I've earned through hope and faith
On the curves around your face
That I'm the one you'll hold forever
If morning never comes for either one of us
Then this I pray to you wherever

I'll do anything for you
This story is for you
('Cause I'd do anything you want me to for you)
I'll do anything for you
Kill anyone for you

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I won't be coming back
In a phrase to cut these lips
I loved you

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
'Til you decide to wake up

"i love you." says the compulsive liar.

get on your knees

for some reason, when i'm talking to a guy that i like, it just makes me melt, when they say my name. ha, i dont mean it in a nsty way, like "omg, say my name bitch!" ha NO! i mean, just when you're in a conversation, and they're talking to you, and they actually say your name, it just makes me happy. b/c sometimes it feels like they're just talking, doesnt matter who to, just talking. but when they say it, i know that they know they're talking to me, ahh idk, i think this will probably sound lame. but its just a feeling of mine. just thought i'd share, incase anyone else feels like that too, ha. <3

check check 1, 2. Alright here goes nothin'

yea =], i am ohkay.

& i don't breathe the way i used to.

so yea. MHM, idk. im, ohkay i guess, at the moment at least. it's like i've gotten even more bipolar acting then i was. like i'll be ohkay one minute then horrible the next, and any little thing can cause it. i mean, idk, i guess it really is going to take a long time, longer than anyone realized. it's just i mean some people just dont understand. when you've been with someone for so long, you just get used to stuff, you get used to them. so, yes, its going to take a long time, but i think i'm getting there. slowly & almost surely. i'm not going to lie, i'm going to miss everything but, you know, i just want him to be happy. and honestly i dont think he was with me. which also makes me a little sad. but as long as he is now, then, i might be ohkay. mhm, on another note: idk why but i feel fat like all the time. its so weird b/c i used to not be like this, like i mean i used to kid around that i was fat or chubby or whatever b/c i used to be a long time ago. but i was never serious, but now its just like, i cant even think about food without making myself sick. i look in the mirror and im like, eww, its so gross. idk what to do. mhm, i need to start running. but im always so tired. idk, i'll deal with it though. mhm what else? oh, im really excited that i get to go to Bluffton Friday! YAY! ha, i hope my dad remember's how to get there and i hope he gets off early, so i wont miss alot of Lindsey's party. idk what to get her. i might just get her a card, i've never been good at that kind of thing. but yea, i can not wait, i get to see everyone,..well almost everyone. well i've been listening to Never Shout Never all day today. and he makes me smile a little. ='[ ahh! there it goes again, the reminding, i hate when i do that. i used to wish that they made a pill or something to help your memory, now i just want one, to make them go away...

You wana have sex? Have sex. You wana make love? Make love. You wana feel the truth of love? Then hold his hand while he kisses your cheek.

All i ever do, is just sit here and think...and think...and think. I'm so tired of thinking. ugh, so very tired of it. My mind going in all different directions, it like one of those bombs that make the mushroom clouds. One minute i'm happy, one minute im sad and the next minute im crying my eyes out, and for why? i have no idea. i'm so confused. i dont know what to feel, or how to feel it. it feels like im so alone. i have nothing to look forward to now, nothing to be excited for. you spend a year and something of your life focused on one thing, focused on one person, and then in the matter of seconds, its all gone. everything you hoped for, every part of the future you thought you'd have, you wanted to have, it's all gone. How i'm i supposed to get over that? How i'm i supposed to move on, when my heart doesn't want to. My heart wants to stay, to finish what it started. My heart wants to keep loving the person it's been loving and has always loved. It's so unfair. I will never get over it, i will never move on. Part of me is ohkay with that, part of me is hoping, so very hard that you will change you mind, that you will tell me you will try, that you want to try. and the other half of me knows..knows that it is over, knows that it will always be over, but all of me doesn't want that, all of me wants to stay, with you, always and forever, just like you promised. Omg, you promised! you fucking pinky promised, to my face, to my heart, that we could make it through this, that no matter how far apart we were, that we would always be together. and i believed you! i believed you so much! GOD! every time i think i'm close to being over it, it just comes rushing back. every little thing reminds me of you, reminds me of us, reminds me of how we will never be again. How can it not hurt you?!? How are you not feeling like i'm feeling?!? i mean i don't want you to feel bad, i dont want you to hurt, i really dont. but then , i do! i want you to feel everything! just as much as i am! i want you to understand! how much i fucking hurt all the time! all the fucking time! and how much i just can't help it!. . . . i feel like a trainwreck.

For Now..

i've realized;

that no matter how much i put myself out there, no matter how hard i fall, how much i give myself to them; i am not right for love. Love, for me, is not something that lasts forever, love is pain. always has been and always will be. you crushed me, into a million pieces, i feel it was all a lie, everything, it might not be true, but thats all i can feel right now. i tried so hard, i gave everything, i risked my whole heart, every fucking part of me..just for you. "just for you", fo you even remember that? that peom i wrote you, but ofcourse not, it doesn't mean anything. you may not think so, but you are just like the rest, only part is, i loved you. i gave you my heart, all my feelings, every single fucking part of me, i told you stuff, that i've told no one else. i trusted you, with my love. and what do i get in repay. i get broken. how am i suppsed to get over that? tell me! i need to know, because right now i'm getting no where. im stuck in heartbreak and there is no way out. everything reminds me of you. we can be friends? can we really? how can we be friends when i still love you so much. you've broken me so much, and i still fucking love you. damnit! it makes me hate myself! dont you get it!?! just tell me you don't love me, tell me the real reason. wasn't just distance, i mean , after we've been together that long, to break up over distance. deep down i know the reason. i dont want it to be but it is. i can't "move on". why can;t people realize that. I JUST want them to feel what im feeling, how i feel all the fucking time. i want YOU to feel it. and then tell me what im supposed to do. how im supposed to foget. im complaining now, yes, and i dont fucking care. ive been worried so much about how people will react, what people will think. will they get tired of me being sad all the time, will they get annoyed with me talking about it. and that makes me feel so stupid. yes! STUPID. i am stupid. for many reasons. i would just like it, if i would just stop thinking...

If I had a world of my own,everything would be nonsense.Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't.And contrary-wise;. . .

Sometimes there's no real difference between not wanting to and not being able to. I mean, if you can't laugh, doesn't it mean that deep down you don't want to, or if you don't want to, it may mean you can't.

We all live in our on wonderland, where nothing makes since to ourselves...

[inspired by chris, actually.]

it continues...

"Is it realization that makes us suffer? The thought of knowing that keeps us under? It amazes me, how much people think. The wonders we seek. I believe, we're all better off not knowing, we're all better off naive. Like when we were children and life was good. We didn't know love, saddness, fear, not even real happiness. We just felt bliss. Wouldn't you want that back?... Is it really the realizations that make us suffer? Is it really the thought of knowing that keeps us under? It really does amaze me, how much people think." - cls

To this extent i don't know what to feel. I know what i want to feel, i want to feel like i did, i want to go back. i'd give anything to go back. I don't want you to hurt, but i don't want me to hurt either. I thought we were doing ohkay. I mean, yea, it hurt sometimes. When i didn't get to talk to you for a couple of days, when i'd leave you messages and you wouldnt have time to reply; but i knew you were busy. If i would have known that you would have..could have ever done this. I wouldn't have wrote you things like i did. complaining. i can't stop blaming myself. i cant eat, i feel sick all the time, i cant talk to anyone without feeling like im going to explode with tears. i hope this ends soon. i just want to be with you again. I think the only thing majorly hurting me now, is seeing you with someone else, pictureing it. it kills me, it really does. i hate it. just the thought of someone taking my place, haveing what we had, it makes me so angry, so angry that it makes me cry, even more. i havent stopped you know..not once.

12/08/08 - the end

the end of us.

feels like my heart got ripped out and sent through a blender. ill never stop crying, it seems. it'll never stop hurting, it feels. even though we're still friends, i am going to miss everything we were. ill hold you, always&forever, in my heart. til that one day, that one wonderful day, we are together again. i'll always love you chris, always&forever...=[ JUST like the heart says.

August 21, 2007 - December 08, 2008 <3

What is you theory on the Past?

It really does amaze me on how different and yet alike people are. How many theores there are in this world, how many opinions. Well in this note im focusing on "the past". I don't have a strict set theory on the subject. I agree with many views, all at the same time. I mean i believe people should not dwell on the past, yet the past should not be forgotten. I believe that people should not be judged on their past mistakes, but those mistakes should not be forgotten and in some way, be stuck to that person, for other to be aware. I'm a little confused about the whole matter, but i feel i will always be. Does your past make who you are, is it who you are? Would you want to be judged by what you've done, even if you can not change it? Or, do you believe that people are better of forgetting the past, all together? tell me...

Here are some theories:

"The present is never our goal: the past and present are our means: the future alone is our goal. Thus,we never live but we hope to live; and always hoping to be happy, it is inevitable that we will never be so." - Blaise Pascal

"I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now." - Sophia Loren

" I don't think the human mind can comprehend the past and the future. They are both just illusions that can manipulate you into thinking there's some kind og change." - Bob Dylan

" For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experimant." - Mark Twain

" There are two days in the week about which and upon which i never worry..Yesterday and Tomorrow." - Robert Jones Burdette

" The past is of no importance. The present is of no importance. It is with the future that we have to deal. For the past is what man should not have been. The present is what man ought not to be. The future is what artists are." - Oscar Wilde

" People who live in the past generally are affraid to compete in the present. I've got my faults, but living in the past is not one of them. There;s no future in it. " - Sparky Anderson

" When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect five off the greatest glow of happiness. " - Bob Hope

" The past is never there when you try to go back. It exists, but only in memory. To pretend otherwise is to invite a mess." - Chris Cobbs

" The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it." - Wendell Berry

" For time and the world do not stand still. Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future. " - John F. Kennedy

" Philosophy finds it an easy matter to vanquish past and furture evils, but the present are commonly too hard for it." - Francios de La Rochefoucauld

" You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on iy. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space. " - Johnny Cash

" As in geology, so in social institutions, we may discover the causes of all past changes in the present in variable order of society. " - Henry David Thoreau

" History is a relentless master. It has no present, only the past rushing into the future. To try to hold fast is to be swept aside. " - John F. Kennedy

웃 ♥ 유

so i don't look at you? with those dark green eyes, you stare right through me. And can you believe? what i was scared of, i love most about you.

Love At First Site

It was the beginning of summer, June 2008, and I was so excited. I got to go to South Carolina to stay with my friend Megan for the summer. It was so hot outside it felt like sun was only 6 ft away. Sitting in the car, Megan’s dad was listening to some really bad music that sounded like two cats fighting over a screaming fish. I wasn’t listening though, I was too busy thinking about how much fun I was going have.

When we finally got there I was amazed, it looked nothing like Waycross at all. The buildings were like something in big cities. There was so many different kinds of people it was like a rainbow of races. As we were walking towards Megan’s front steps I noticed that her yard had so many flowers, it looked like a garden. It was hot outside so It made the air feel and even smell kind of dry, but I could still smell the flowers through it all. Some smelt like honey and some like sap. Her neighbor was outside walking around his yard. He was dressed in these really short shorts, I really couldn’t bring myself to look at him for very long. When I stepped in Megan’s house I was taken aback. I hadn’t been there since they first moved in and they had no furniture or anything. But now it looked so cramped with stuff I was almost too scared to move incase I were to brake something.

When I talked to Megan over the phone, the week before I came, we made a plan to get a job for the summer. Megan’s mom works as a Book Keeper for the movie theater there, called Seaturtle Cinemas, so we pretty much already had a job working there. The first night I was there we went to see a movie with some of Megan’s friends. I had so much fun. The movie theater, compared to the one in Waycross, was huge and really fancy looking. It’s in the middle of a bunch of these stores, all different kinds of stores: antique stores, hair cutting places, banks, and mostly restaurants. The outside of the movie theater definitely could not compare with the inside, it was huge and colorful. There were so many people there and they all looked really busy. I couldn’t wait to start working there.

My first day on the job wasn’t like I thought it would be at all. Megan and I got stuck working in concessions Which meant we had to serve popcorn, drinks and other food like items to mean, smelly, old customers. We tried to make the best of it though. We met new people and made friends at work and we even snuck some free food, so my day didn’t start out all that bad. Then something amazing happened. I was just standing there, by the popcorn maker, filling bags with burnt smelling popcorn. I suddenly looked up and there he was, my love at first sight. Just standing there with his gorgeous green eyes, and his short curly brown hair. He was so skinny and tall you might have mistaken him for the broom he was holding. I had just seen the cutest guy I have ever seen in my whole entire life, and the best part was that I got to work with him.

After a while I realized that I was staring at him. Thank goodness he didn’t notice though. I started to go back to bagging popcorn, but I couldn’t concentrate anymore. I just had to meet him, talk to him; which was not as easy as you would think. Not because I was shy or anything, I tried to talk to him, I even flirted with him, but he just ignored me. I felt horrible. I figured he was shy and it turns out, I was right. We started hanging out and talking. For me, it was love at first sight. It had to of been love at first sight for the both of us, since we are happily together to this day. I will never forget that moment or that day. I found something so wonderful in a horrible situation. It’s been a little more than a year and I am thankful everyday. That moment was just a page in the romance novel we call our lives.

- Crystal L. Smith

this is a story i had to write in English, i kinda like it. i worked hard, haha especially for a two day job [i procrastinated ofcourse]. i hope you like it.

1 year and 3 months

Charles Christopher Litteral:

i love you so much chris! haha i got bored so i decided to make this for you. i hope you like it..you better like it!! i miss you so much, and i care about you more than anything and anyone else in this whole entire world. if we were to ever end, i would never forget you, my first true love. i would never change what we have for anything in this whole entire UNIVERSE! but it's a good thing that will never happen, because we both pinky promised forever and always and after and i do not intend on breaking that promise, ever! and i hope you don't either . im going to miss you even more when you go to Florida, even though i dont see you now anyways ha. i wont get to talk to you as much because you'll be busy with school, and i understand. i just miss you so much! i miss your touch, your hugs, our tippy toe kisses, haha or how i'd get on the step above yours, i miss holding your hands, riding in the car with you, and getting on your nerves because i'd be staring at you but i can't help it; i would stare because i could never believe the moment, i was with you, and you're so amazing, i couldnt believe how lucky i am. i miss laying in your bed "watching movies" ha and even actually watching a movie or just laying there..and when you'd fall asleep and you'd twitch, even though you say you dont, but YOU DO haha i miss falling asleep with you and waking up to you right next to me, and i can't wait to do that everyday, for the rest of our lives. i could write a book just listing the things i miss about you and the things i love about you, maybe one day i will haha but for now, ill just leave you with this...: i am completely, head over-heels, over the moon in love you boy and that will never ever change, no matter what happens! NO MATTER WHAT! forever, always, after, and for eternity.

i'll remind you::

"Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it. Love isn't her calming you down when you yell. It's her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't her/him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's her standing there, admitting she's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into a million pieces. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it. It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole. " - Andrew Landon

" Seems somebody put out the moon

Now the road is a minefield

can't follow the way she moves

can't see past the shadows

You make the darkness disappear

feel found when you stay near

know where I am when you are here

My way becomes so clear

When you are gone

Will I lose control?

You are the only road I know

You show me where to go

Who will drive my soul?

Seems somebody burned out the signs

can't expect the hard curves

There is no borders

There are no lines

How can I know where to turn?

You make the street lights reappear

feel bright when you stand near

know what I am when you are here

My place becomes so clear

When you are gone

Will I lose control?

You're the only road I know

You show me where to go

Who will drive me soul?

Will I lose control?

You're the only road that I know

You show me where to go

Who will drive my soul?

Drive my soul

When you're gone

Will I lose control?

You're the only road I know

You show me where to go

When you're gone

Will I lose control?

You're the only road I know

You show me where to go

Who will drive my soul? "

- LIGHTS

opinions vs beliefs | this is just to inform, nothing more nothing less

Animals Used for Entertainment

Animals don't want to ride bicycles, stand on their heads, balance on balls, or jump through rings of fire. Sadly, they have no choice. Trainers use abusive tools, like whips and electric prods, and force them to perform.

Not only are elephants, bears, tigers, and other animals abused by trainers, they suffer from extreme loneliness, boredom, and frustration from being locked in tiny cages or chains month after month, city after city. Instead of being treated like furniture that is loaded and unloaded into trucks and storage areas, these animals should be in their natural habitat, exploring, seeking mates, and raising families.

Animals held captive in circuses, rodeos, zoos, and other entertainment venues need you to speak out for them. Teach your community why, for animals' sake, they should go for a hike or take in a baseball game instead of supporting these unkind businesses.

Animals Used for Clothing

Wool
It may come from a sheep, goat, or Tibetan antelope. It may be called "wool," "mohair," "pashmina," or "cashmere." But no matter what you call it, it means bad news for the animal it came from. In the wool industry, just weeks after birth, lambs' ears are punched, their tails are chopped off, and the males are castrated, all without anesthetics. To prevent "flystrike" (a maggot infestation caused by wrinkly skin, which was bred into the sheep so that they would have more wool), Australian ranchers perform a barbarous operation called "mulesing," which involves carving huge strips of flesh off the backs of unanesthetized lambs' legs. [SaveTheSheet.com]

Leather
Leather is not a slaughterhouse byproduct. It's a booming industry, a driving force for the cattle industry, and it accounts for two-thirds of the value of the slaughtered cattle. Even the hides of "veal" calves are made into high-priced calfskin. The economic success of slaughterhouses and factory farms is directly linked to the sale of leather goods. Decreasing demand for both animal foods and leather products will result in fewer cows' being factory-farmed. To learn more about leather. [CowsAreCool.com]

Fur
Those who wear fur trim and fur coats have the blood of minks, raccoons, foxes, beavers, and other animals on their hands. Animals on fur farms spend their lives in tiny cages only to be killed by anal or genital electrocution, which causes them to have a heart attack. Some are skinned alive. Animals in the wild may languish for days in traps before they die or are killed. [FurIsDead.com]

Animal Testing

Have you ever wondered how many animals suffer in labs? It's a good question. Because there are so many animals in laboratories and records are not kept for all animals, estimates of the number of animals tortured and killed annually in U.S. laboratories vary widely but are in the millions.

The Animal Welfare Act requires laboratories to report the number of animals used in experiments, but it does not cover mice, rats, and birds (used in some 80 to 95 percent of all experiments). Because these animals are not covered by the act, they remain uncounted, and we can only guess at how many actually suffer and die each year.

Many household products and cosmetics companies still pump their products into animals' stomachs, rub them onto their skin, squirt them into their eyes, or force animals to inhale them as aerosol sprays. Charities such as the March of Dimes use donations from private citizens to fund experiments on animals, and the FDA requires all drugs to be tested on animals. However, animals differ from humans significantly, making animal drug tests unreliable and dangerous. New research methods, such as computer models, cell cultures, and human studies are more accurate, less expensive, and much more humane.

_____________________________________________________

i am not posting this to just make you feel bad. i's not posting it to say that your a horrible person because you don't care, or try to help. i am not posting this to do anything but inform you. if you want to know about it, then read. if you don't then ignore. it is your choice, it just makes me so sad, so i just want to tell people who don't know and who want to. people may not like PETA, they may make fun of it, say its stupid, or what have you. but i believe they're trying to change things, and i believe that those things need to be changed. Again, it's just my opinion. <3

- http://www.peta.org/actioncenter/entertainment.asp

- http://www.peta.org/actioncenter/clothing.asp

- http://www.peta.org/actioncenter/testing.asp

a stupid little poem..

..just for you


i will hide all my true feelings, i will fake happiness,
fake optimism, hide my sorrow, contain my emotions,
i will harbor all the pain i feel..just to keep you, i can't lose you.
i need to keep you, forever. for as long as i can, as long as life wills me.
even if that means becoming a whole different person in the process,
i will sacrifice my true self, as long as you stay mine.
please say you'll stay mine, i need you to be mine.

i will forfeit my soul, for us to be whole.
it will always be up to you, i will be anything you want.
i can't make it any simpler. i must be with you.
i need to be with you, forever. for as long as i can,
as long as life wills me. i may become a different person in the process;
but i'm hoping, a better person for you. because i can't lose you.
i need to keep you, i need you to be mine.

i never feel i'm good enough for you,
i praise you, is that wrong? i think that's wrong.
but i can't help it, it's what i am, do i change that too?
should i change that too? it's a miracle you still love me.
but do you really? it's not a hypothetical question.
i can't help but wonder, in the back of my mind.
it's a lingering question in the back of my mind.
it won't leave, does it keep me sain? i hope not.
you drive me insane.

i would do anything for you, i will do anything for you.
it's not a secret, its not a statment, it's a promise.
a pinky promise, the only kind of promise worth keeping.
i will change my being, just for you. just for you.

This is more than untitled, this is unknown

i wish it to not hurt this bad, missing someone. you wait your whole life trying to find that right person and then when you finally do, when you're finally happy, when you're finally whole, it gets taken from you. yes, distance shouldn't mean anything and it doesn't for my feelings for you, but for my heart, it hurts. i will love you no matter how far away, but that does not mean that i have to pretend like it doesn't hurt, like it's not painful as hell to watch you drift away inch by inch, and feel so powerless. i want you to be happy, oh i wish it for you! But i feel how i feel. Can't you understand that i am only half a peron, i am only half whole, when i left i left part of me with you, and that's where it will always stay. i will never be completely whole until im with you, by your side, holding your hand, kissing your cheek, hugging you..This is not to put blame on you in any way, it is to vent. I want you to understand that i do understand, that i get it. But just because i get it doesn't mean i have to agree with it, it doesnt mean im going to feel a different way. I'm fighting it, something deep inside of me. I don't know what it is, so i dont expect anyone else to. I dont mean to sound crazy, but that's just what i am. i am so crazy for you, that i do things, i wouldnt normally do, i get angry when i wouldnt normally get angry, i cry when i wouldnt normally cry. My heart is attached to you, it always will be, and me saying these things is not meant for you to read, but these are my very true feelings. They may change, and for godsakes i hope they do. because i couldnt normally live like this, but i have you. Yes, i know i have you, there's no mistake in that but i want you with me, and there's no shame in that. i wonder sometimes, that what if my feelings aren't love, i feel that they are but just what if, what if. they're just so incredible; i want to see you all the time, i want to talk to you all the time, i want to be with you, every second of everyday, is that love? or is that obsession? that thought fightens every bone in my body, but i know it is love, i know that my feelings for you are not just for lust, or need. i love you, and there is no getting around that, because truth never lies. but deep down, somewhere deep down, im not letting go of that one thought, that one little what if. and i hate that about myself, god! there are so many things i hate about myself, but i love you more than i hate me. all this may seem stupid or crazy, and you may not understand, because i sure as hell don't. but this is this, and i can not help it, if i could i would change myself to match your every want, your every need, i want to be perfect for you, and ive never wanted to be perfect ever, in my whole intire life. thats how much youve impacted my life, and i am not saying any of this in a bad way, oh god no, because if it wasn't for you, if i hadnt of met you, i would not be..me. i would still be a halfass, no good, pathetic nobody. you may not believe it, but you have always had half of me, and you always will. we may change, we may even grow apart someday [nock on wood] but that, that will never ever change. that is forever and always, that is for eternity.

There's things i wish i could change, there are things i think i want, but i don't, i want you to be happy, no matter what that takes, i may not think so somtimes, only because im thinking in the moment, and i think that i just want you with me no matter what, i just want you all the time. i dont want you in orlando, fufilling your dreams, making new friends, meeting new people..i think that, i dont want you forgetting me, forgetting us, and what we have..but that's wrong. it's wrong of me to think that and i know that. i want you to be happy, no matter what, even if you have to do or have those things to be happy, thats what it takes, then i want that for you. i want to give you the world. but i'm just so small. i give you my heart, it might make up for everything ive done and everything i know that i will do, because i am making mistakes second by second. but i regret nothing, every since ive met you, all my regrets just dissapeared because i figured. if all my mistakes, every bad thing that ive done or even good thing ive done, led me to you, then there's is nothing to regret, there is no bad.

i love you with every inch of my being, that will never change,
my love for you is like superman, it's invencible.
my love for you is like mathematics, it never changes.
my love for you is like allie and noah's, it will live on forever.
my love for you is like the wind, you can't see it, but you can feel it.