You wana have sex? Have sex. You wana make love? Make love. You wana feel the truth of love? Then hold his hand while he kisses your cheek.

All i ever do, is just sit here and think...and think...and think. I'm so tired of thinking. ugh, so very tired of it. My mind going in all different directions, it like one of those bombs that make the mushroom clouds. One minute i'm happy, one minute im sad and the next minute im crying my eyes out, and for why? i have no idea. i'm so confused. i dont know what to feel, or how to feel it. it feels like im so alone. i have nothing to look forward to now, nothing to be excited for. you spend a year and something of your life focused on one thing, focused on one person, and then in the matter of seconds, its all gone. everything you hoped for, every part of the future you thought you'd have, you wanted to have, it's all gone. How i'm i supposed to get over that? How i'm i supposed to move on, when my heart doesn't want to. My heart wants to stay, to finish what it started. My heart wants to keep loving the person it's been loving and has always loved. It's so unfair. I will never get over it, i will never move on. Part of me is ohkay with that, part of me is hoping, so very hard that you will change you mind, that you will tell me you will try, that you want to try. and the other half of me knows..knows that it is over, knows that it will always be over, but all of me doesn't want that, all of me wants to stay, with you, always and forever, just like you promised. Omg, you promised! you fucking pinky promised, to my face, to my heart, that we could make it through this, that no matter how far apart we were, that we would always be together. and i believed you! i believed you so much! GOD! every time i think i'm close to being over it, it just comes rushing back. every little thing reminds me of you, reminds me of us, reminds me of how we will never be again. How can it not hurt you?!? How are you not feeling like i'm feeling?!? i mean i don't want you to feel bad, i dont want you to hurt, i really dont. but then , i do! i want you to feel everything! just as much as i am! i want you to understand! how much i fucking hurt all the time! all the fucking time! and how much i just can't help it!. . . . i feel like a trainwreck.