it continues...

"Is it realization that makes us suffer? The thought of knowing that keeps us under? It amazes me, how much people think. The wonders we seek. I believe, we're all better off not knowing, we're all better off naive. Like when we were children and life was good. We didn't know love, saddness, fear, not even real happiness. We just felt bliss. Wouldn't you want that back?... Is it really the realizations that make us suffer? Is it really the thought of knowing that keeps us under? It really does amaze me, how much people think." - cls

To this extent i don't know what to feel. I know what i want to feel, i want to feel like i did, i want to go back. i'd give anything to go back. I don't want you to hurt, but i don't want me to hurt either. I thought we were doing ohkay. I mean, yea, it hurt sometimes. When i didn't get to talk to you for a couple of days, when i'd leave you messages and you wouldnt have time to reply; but i knew you were busy. If i would have known that you would have..could have ever done this. I wouldn't have wrote you things like i did. complaining. i can't stop blaming myself. i cant eat, i feel sick all the time, i cant talk to anyone without feeling like im going to explode with tears. i hope this ends soon. i just want to be with you again. I think the only thing majorly hurting me now, is seeing you with someone else, pictureing it. it kills me, it really does. i hate it. just the thought of someone taking my place, haveing what we had, it makes me so angry, so angry that it makes me cry, even more. i havent stopped you know..not once.