For Now..

i've realized;

that no matter how much i put myself out there, no matter how hard i fall, how much i give myself to them; i am not right for love. Love, for me, is not something that lasts forever, love is pain. always has been and always will be. you crushed me, into a million pieces, i feel it was all a lie, everything, it might not be true, but thats all i can feel right now. i tried so hard, i gave everything, i risked my whole heart, every fucking part of me..just for you. "just for you", fo you even remember that? that peom i wrote you, but ofcourse not, it doesn't mean anything. you may not think so, but you are just like the rest, only part is, i loved you. i gave you my heart, all my feelings, every single fucking part of me, i told you stuff, that i've told no one else. i trusted you, with my love. and what do i get in repay. i get broken. how am i suppsed to get over that? tell me! i need to know, because right now i'm getting no where. im stuck in heartbreak and there is no way out. everything reminds me of you. we can be friends? can we really? how can we be friends when i still love you so much. you've broken me so much, and i still fucking love you. damnit! it makes me hate myself! dont you get it!?! just tell me you don't love me, tell me the real reason. wasn't just distance, i mean , after we've been together that long, to break up over distance. deep down i know the reason. i dont want it to be but it is. i can't "move on". why can;t people realize that. I JUST want them to feel what im feeling, how i feel all the fucking time. i want YOU to feel it. and then tell me what im supposed to do. how im supposed to foget. im complaining now, yes, and i dont fucking care. ive been worried so much about how people will react, what people will think. will they get tired of me being sad all the time, will they get annoyed with me talking about it. and that makes me feel so stupid. yes! STUPID. i am stupid. for many reasons. i would just like it, if i would just stop thinking...