& i don't breathe the way i used to.

so yea. MHM, idk. im, ohkay i guess, at the moment at least. it's like i've gotten even more bipolar acting then i was. like i'll be ohkay one minute then horrible the next, and any little thing can cause it. i mean, idk, i guess it really is going to take a long time, longer than anyone realized. it's just i mean some people just dont understand. when you've been with someone for so long, you just get used to stuff, you get used to them. so, yes, its going to take a long time, but i think i'm getting there. slowly & almost surely. i'm not going to lie, i'm going to miss everything but, you know, i just want him to be happy. and honestly i dont think he was with me. which also makes me a little sad. but as long as he is now, then, i might be ohkay. mhm, on another note: idk why but i feel fat like all the time. its so weird b/c i used to not be like this, like i mean i used to kid around that i was fat or chubby or whatever b/c i used to be a long time ago. but i was never serious, but now its just like, i cant even think about food without making myself sick. i look in the mirror and im like, eww, its so gross. idk what to do. mhm, i need to start running. but im always so tired. idk, i'll deal with it though. mhm what else? oh, im really excited that i get to go to Bluffton Friday! YAY! ha, i hope my dad remember's how to get there and i hope he gets off early, so i wont miss alot of Lindsey's party. idk what to get her. i might just get her a card, i've never been good at that kind of thing. but yea, i can not wait, i get to see everyone,..well almost everyone. well i've been listening to Never Shout Never all day today. and he makes me smile a little. ='[ ahh! there it goes again, the reminding, i hate when i do that. i used to wish that they made a pill or something to help your memory, now i just want one, to make them go away...