Coheed and Cambria - Wake Up

I'm gonna ride this plane out of your life again
I wish that I could stay, but you argue
More than this I wish, you could've seen my face
In backseats staring out, the window

I'll do anything for you
Kill anyone for you

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I will be coming back
In a phrase to cut these lips
I love you

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up

I've earned through hope and faith
On the curves around your face
That I'm the one you'll hold forever
If morning never comes for either one of us
Then this I pray to you wherever

I'll do anything for you
This story is for you
('Cause I'd do anything you want me to for you)
I'll do anything for you
Kill anyone for you

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I won't be coming back
In a phrase to cut these lips
I loved you

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
'Til you decide to wake up

"i love you." says the compulsive liar.

get on your knees

for some reason, when i'm talking to a guy that i like, it just makes me melt, when they say my name. ha, i dont mean it in a nsty way, like "omg, say my name bitch!" ha NO! i mean, just when you're in a conversation, and they're talking to you, and they actually say your name, it just makes me happy. b/c sometimes it feels like they're just talking, doesnt matter who to, just talking. but when they say it, i know that they know they're talking to me, ahh idk, i think this will probably sound lame. but its just a feeling of mine. just thought i'd share, incase anyone else feels like that too, ha. <3

check check 1, 2. Alright here goes nothin'

yea =], i am ohkay.

& i don't breathe the way i used to.

so yea. MHM, idk. im, ohkay i guess, at the moment at least. it's like i've gotten even more bipolar acting then i was. like i'll be ohkay one minute then horrible the next, and any little thing can cause it. i mean, idk, i guess it really is going to take a long time, longer than anyone realized. it's just i mean some people just dont understand. when you've been with someone for so long, you just get used to stuff, you get used to them. so, yes, its going to take a long time, but i think i'm getting there. slowly & almost surely. i'm not going to lie, i'm going to miss everything but, you know, i just want him to be happy. and honestly i dont think he was with me. which also makes me a little sad. but as long as he is now, then, i might be ohkay. mhm, on another note: idk why but i feel fat like all the time. its so weird b/c i used to not be like this, like i mean i used to kid around that i was fat or chubby or whatever b/c i used to be a long time ago. but i was never serious, but now its just like, i cant even think about food without making myself sick. i look in the mirror and im like, eww, its so gross. idk what to do. mhm, i need to start running. but im always so tired. idk, i'll deal with it though. mhm what else? oh, im really excited that i get to go to Bluffton Friday! YAY! ha, i hope my dad remember's how to get there and i hope he gets off early, so i wont miss alot of Lindsey's party. idk what to get her. i might just get her a card, i've never been good at that kind of thing. but yea, i can not wait, i get to see everyone,..well almost everyone. well i've been listening to Never Shout Never all day today. and he makes me smile a little. ='[ ahh! there it goes again, the reminding, i hate when i do that. i used to wish that they made a pill or something to help your memory, now i just want one, to make them go away...

You wana have sex? Have sex. You wana make love? Make love. You wana feel the truth of love? Then hold his hand while he kisses your cheek.

All i ever do, is just sit here and think...and think...and think. I'm so tired of thinking. ugh, so very tired of it. My mind going in all different directions, it like one of those bombs that make the mushroom clouds. One minute i'm happy, one minute im sad and the next minute im crying my eyes out, and for why? i have no idea. i'm so confused. i dont know what to feel, or how to feel it. it feels like im so alone. i have nothing to look forward to now, nothing to be excited for. you spend a year and something of your life focused on one thing, focused on one person, and then in the matter of seconds, its all gone. everything you hoped for, every part of the future you thought you'd have, you wanted to have, it's all gone. How i'm i supposed to get over that? How i'm i supposed to move on, when my heart doesn't want to. My heart wants to stay, to finish what it started. My heart wants to keep loving the person it's been loving and has always loved. It's so unfair. I will never get over it, i will never move on. Part of me is ohkay with that, part of me is hoping, so very hard that you will change you mind, that you will tell me you will try, that you want to try. and the other half of me knows..knows that it is over, knows that it will always be over, but all of me doesn't want that, all of me wants to stay, with you, always and forever, just like you promised. Omg, you promised! you fucking pinky promised, to my face, to my heart, that we could make it through this, that no matter how far apart we were, that we would always be together. and i believed you! i believed you so much! GOD! every time i think i'm close to being over it, it just comes rushing back. every little thing reminds me of you, reminds me of us, reminds me of how we will never be again. How can it not hurt you?!? How are you not feeling like i'm feeling?!? i mean i don't want you to feel bad, i dont want you to hurt, i really dont. but then , i do! i want you to feel everything! just as much as i am! i want you to understand! how much i fucking hurt all the time! all the fucking time! and how much i just can't help it!. . . . i feel like a trainwreck.

For Now..

i've realized;

that no matter how much i put myself out there, no matter how hard i fall, how much i give myself to them; i am not right for love. Love, for me, is not something that lasts forever, love is pain. always has been and always will be. you crushed me, into a million pieces, i feel it was all a lie, everything, it might not be true, but thats all i can feel right now. i tried so hard, i gave everything, i risked my whole heart, every fucking part of me..just for you. "just for you", fo you even remember that? that peom i wrote you, but ofcourse not, it doesn't mean anything. you may not think so, but you are just like the rest, only part is, i loved you. i gave you my heart, all my feelings, every single fucking part of me, i told you stuff, that i've told no one else. i trusted you, with my love. and what do i get in repay. i get broken. how am i suppsed to get over that? tell me! i need to know, because right now i'm getting no where. im stuck in heartbreak and there is no way out. everything reminds me of you. we can be friends? can we really? how can we be friends when i still love you so much. you've broken me so much, and i still fucking love you. damnit! it makes me hate myself! dont you get it!?! just tell me you don't love me, tell me the real reason. wasn't just distance, i mean , after we've been together that long, to break up over distance. deep down i know the reason. i dont want it to be but it is. i can't "move on". why can;t people realize that. I JUST want them to feel what im feeling, how i feel all the fucking time. i want YOU to feel it. and then tell me what im supposed to do. how im supposed to foget. im complaining now, yes, and i dont fucking care. ive been worried so much about how people will react, what people will think. will they get tired of me being sad all the time, will they get annoyed with me talking about it. and that makes me feel so stupid. yes! STUPID. i am stupid. for many reasons. i would just like it, if i would just stop thinking...